4 Quick Ways to Improve Your Sentences
Introduction
Always look to see if you can improve your sentences by applying some of the principles illustrated below in sentences taken from real manuals that I have edited for a client:
(1) If a sentence has two WITHs, eliminate at least one of them:
ORIGINAL SENTENCE: After the initial power-up, the display should show the PRO-FIX operator screen with a rectangular pop-up window with the following two “Logon ID” and “Password” messages.
BETTER: After the initial power-up, the display shows the PRO-FIX operator screen where a rectangular pop-up window displays the “Logon ID” and “Password” text fields.
(2) Use active voice:
ORIGINAL SENTENCE: If the Operator Logon window is not visible, any key that is pressed will bring up the window.
BETTER: If the Operator Logon window is not visible, press any key to bring it up.
ORIGINAL SENTENCE: Once the startup condition is attained, the first-time user may log on to the M-26 PANEL.
BETTER: After the startup, the first-time user may log on to the M-26 PANEL.
ORIGINAL SENTENCE: It is strongly recommended that the PRO-FIX default account be
disabled and new ones with secure passwords are added before the system is certified for normal everyday use.
BETTER: Disable the PRO-FIX default account and add a new one with a secure password before the system is certified for normal everyday use.
(3) Avoid multiple use of the same verb within the same sentence:
ORIGINAL SENTENCE: As discussed earlier, the GET command is used to configure the M-26 PANEL for use in the G-24 network.
BETTER: As discussed earlier, the GET command is used to configure the M-26 PANEL as a part of the G-24 network.
(4) Avoid sentence fragments with verb participles:
ORIGINAL SENTENCE: If using RS-485 wires to communicate between the PRO-FIX server and M-26 PANEL, ports P2 and P3 are available and configured as slave buses by default.
BETTER: If you are using RS-485 wires to communicate between the PRO-FIX server and M-26 PANEL, ports P2 and P3 are available and configured as slave buses by default.
ORIGINAL SENTENCE: The LAN cabling can connect to Ethernet A or B connections.
BETTER: The LAN cable can connect to Ethernet-A or Ethernet-B terminals.
ORIGINAL SENTENCE: Configuring the M-26 PANEL in the preferred order will also shorten the amount of time that’s required for configuration by reducing the amount of back-and-forth item modification.
BETTER: Configuring the M-26 PANEL in the preferred order also shortens the configuration time by reducing the amount of back-and-forth modification of the individual items.
Have a great and clear day!